He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
