Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
