I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
