You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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