Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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