Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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