so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
