hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
