Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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