why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
