I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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