First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
