I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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