that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
