every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
