I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
