I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
