smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
