I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
