Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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