I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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