Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
