Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
