In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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