a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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