you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
