I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
