God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
