I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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