After last night, I could never be a politician.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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