he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
