We're facebook friends in real life
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
