my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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