One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
