if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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