i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
