He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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