wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
