I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
