they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize