Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
