yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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