I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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