Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
