everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
