I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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