It's Friday. Sex?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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