Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
too bad you live with your parents still
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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