Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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