The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
