I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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