i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
