I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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