She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
