I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
