Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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