Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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