I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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