Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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