I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
