Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
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Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's even glitter on my cock...
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