I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
