He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
