i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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