she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
