Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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