Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize