Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
