let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
