Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
