So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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