WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
