dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
