I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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