I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
