I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
