4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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