"it" just moved
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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