Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
