haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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