I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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