Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
