I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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