The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
