WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
