Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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