Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My hand turned me down
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
