If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
